Conflict (Growth)

I worry too much about what others think. It's true. 

I wish I was stronger or more teflon-coated, but for some reason (genetics?) I just can't. Even people whose company I don't enjoy, if they have a problem with me, are annoyed by something I've said, or frustrated with my ideas or words, it's unsettling. Being that stereotypical kid from the 80s trying to get his parents to get along and be happy, takes it toll.

Another layer to this struggle: What do you do when there's conflict with people you love, respect, and look up to? How do you handle it when something you say angers someone? Well, I can tell you how I handle it, not well. I can tell you what I do, think about it way too much and maybe stress-eat a little.

Bear in mind, I'm extroverted, outgoing, social, and at times funny (some people think so), even a little obnoxious on occasion. So, the odds of me sticking my foot in my mouth, especially if I find myself in the "comedic zone" are not long. I enjoy making people smile, laugh, and now that I am fully into my adult years, I appreciate good conversation and making people think. It's slightly self-serving, because I love learning. In fact, I'm constantly seeking new things to learn, and new ways to learn them. At this point in my life, my personal relationship with Christ has become a major priority. It wasn't always, in high school I struggled maintaining a healthy habit of spiritual growth. Now, however, it's different. I make it a high priority, if not the highest, to be walking towards God's love and grace daily, because I need it. More importantly, I want it.

It would be an under-statement to say that the last year has been a struggle for most: Covid, racial tension, the spray-whip shortage of January 2020, and more recently the presidential elections. It's been a challenging year, but I've enjoyed learning and growing in my faith. One area that I feel I've grown in has been with politics. Being open, I can say that when I was younger I was much like Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties, throwing Ronald Reagan and other conservative quotes around like they were shot from a t-shirt cannon. I still love Ronald Reagan, but I've added several layers to my understanding of the division between politics and Biblical living. That seed was planted almost 20 years ago, at the Christian bookstore in the mall, when I picked up a magazine highlighting both political parties and their ties to Christian principles. You can imagine my astonishment when I read the magazine not once, twice, but three times, finally taking notes and highlighting words and sentences. I was astonished. You mean, being raised Pentecostal in Joplin, Missouri, to believe that Republicans owned the patent on Christian living... wasn't true? It was the equivalent to finding out that Santa Claus wasn't real. It truly was! I didn't even know what to do with the information, both Democrat and Republicans actually maintained an even field with Christian living. Fast forward to last year, when I stumbled upon a book entitled I Think You're Wrong but I'm Listening (A Guide to Grace-Filled Political Conversations). I read the book once and immediately told BJ and Josh about it, "you have to read it" and "we have to see if they will come on the show." They did and we ended up having a great learning experience with Sarah and Beth (Season 1: October). I'll forever be grateful for the book and the hour they spent with us. That book fertilized, watered, and nurtured the seed that had been planted almost two decades ago. It's funny how God works sometimes, isn't it? 

There have been other impactful events, people, sermons, podcasts, movies, and books on my journey with this thought process: no political party owns a patent on Christian living, but that is not the focus of this post. Conflict. Recently I shared something that inspired me on social media. I know, right? When will I ever learn? It was a simple and genuine story, only meant to highlight the importance of all of us working together, whether our favorite animal is an elephant, donkey, or the lamb. To summarize the story, incoming President Obama asked outgoing President George W. Bush if he would mind having lunch with him, so that Obama could ask for advice, wisdom, etc. W. graciously agreed and ended up gathering the other former presidents as well for what was most likely a very unique lunch date. I posted the story because I admired the humility of the incoming president, the graciousness and willingness to help by the outgoing president, and the overall team approach in offering guidance to someone about to undertake the very important job of president. Being completely open and honest, I was also posting it because I'm very disappointed in current outgoing president, Donald Trump, for leaving Washington without attending President Biden's inauguration. Regardless of who I voted for, who you voted for, regardless of the elephant or donkey affiliation, it's poor sportsmanship and doesn't show much class. Unfortunately, more than that, because so many Americans have fallen to the mistaken belief that a political party does own the patent on Christian living, it not only looks bad on President Trump's party, but a huge religious base as well. The post was meant to be one of motivation, inspiration, and unification. Instead, it caused conflict and disappointed a friend of mine and a beloved family member. 

I don't have all of the answers (gasp). I know, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Since I know this to be true, when a trusted friend or family member reaches out, I fully embrace their message and genuinely care about what they have to say. Wanting to listen, to learn, to grow, motivates me to consume what these people have to say. The story I posted caused tension and conflict. Upon reading what these two people had to say, I knew my posting of the story had disappointed them. Those who know me best, know that this doesn't sit well with me. I don't like it. Instead of responding back immediately I waited a beat, thought about the post and its intent, and knowing my heart, decided to slowly respond with clarity and details, intent, and questions of my own. That isn't mine, I've learned to do that from a variety of wiser people than me. Their message was basically one in the same, what had I done? How could I possibly be condoning or suggesting that President Trump offer advice or make himself available to President Biden in any way, shape, or form after the "lies" that had been spread about President Trump had been spewed with an "evil" agenda from the Democrats. Listen... as I said, I don't have all the answers. I know this world has a lot of confusion, evil, and wickedness in it. However, believing that no political party owns the patent on Christian living, I felt confident that God was and is leading me to believe this way (full discloser, being an avid learner and keeping God's love and message as my highest priority, I reserve the right to change my mind in the future at any time). So, I provided clarity and details, intent, and asked questions. We first talked about the topic of abortion. I know, such an important and meaningful topic that I'll not go into great detail here. It's too important. However, I'll say that from my own journey over the years I have been led to believe that all Democrats who are pro-choice are not pro-abortion, and certainly not pro-killing babies, to use a term that has been written to me. Most Democrats that I've talked to, read, and listened to take that stance because of the rare situations where medical calamity or catastrophic well-being is at stake. I think that many Republicans don't realize this, or don't want to take the time to ask questions or the energy of caring enough to listen. In my response to these good people, I wrote back that even long time Christian artist Michael W. Smith (heard Place in This World way too many times at Bible camp) worked at a Planned Parenthood facility. Most Democrats who are pro-choice, that I've encountered, care about many details to the topic of abortion, and terminating a life is hardly ever done easily and without severe emotional weight. I said that I wasn't a female, and there were many complicated details to abortion, but that there were other issues to be considered when thinking about affiliation to any political party, if you are striving to adhere to Christian living. One of the responses asked if I was comfortable with illegal immigrants. I gently pushed back that I believed it to be extremely important to follow Biblical principles on this issue, too, which is to feed and clothe strangers, to welcome the refugee, and care for our fellow humans. In essence, I'm saying something that is very unpopular with many Republicans. Not only do I think we should welcome immigrants and refugees from all over the world, I honestly believe it to be a God-directed responsibility. Now, I'm not completely naive and I know some of how the world works, so I want to say that I also think we should have programs in place for this to happen in an economically responsible fashion in regards to paying taxes and medicare, and earning citizenship. I don't know how to do that, but would love for someone led by Jesus' love who feels the same way to figure that out. If one is to be pro-life, should we not care all lives? I know one is terminating a life, and the other is something else, again, I know some of how the world works. It's so incredibly complicated and the conversation must be had with love, grace, and a soft heart. These important topics of conversation are crucial to being better humans, and those of use who strive to live as Christians. But they aren't the focus of this post. 

When we have these meaninful conversations, it is imperative that we do so with love, grace, and soft hearts. I believe it's a mistake to adhere to the popular notion of a political party holding a patent on Christian living. It isn't just me, but others have researched it and found it to be untrue, as well. There are some key critical elements of the Bible that we can discuss within the context of political parties, but there are others that aren't so important to live and die with: job creation, taxes, etc. Abortion, immigration, our enviornment, and some other componants do lend themselves to important Biblical discourse, though. And I do believe those conversations should be had. One of the two respondents, after a very safe and healthy back and forth, said that we all need some "fine-tuning" in our walk, but they cautioned me to be careful. They even said that I was doing well and to stay the course, seeking God's wisdom. I appreciated that even though we may have voted differently, this time, or maybe have some differing views on some of these politcal topics. He still listened. The respondent, one of my favorite humans on this planet, was "tired" from reading my responses. That was disheartening, as I wasn't trying to wear anyone out but trying to clarify, add details, and ask questions to help me understand and to be understood. I don't have all of the answers (have I mentioned that yet?), and I can read the same Bible verse that I read ten years ago, twenty, and thirty and learn something new. I want to talk to others about their interpretations, learnings, and I want to pray for God to open my eyes to His will. 

Full disclosure, sometimes the conversations I'm talking about cause conflict. I'm not a fan and I hate disappointing those that I truly and deeply care about. However, if my learning, by the grace of God, enables someone else to learn something new or add a layer to their loving relationship with our savior, then that conflict is worth it. I can be uncomfortable for God's glory. And I truly want that to swing the other way, if I can learn something, that someone else has learned and it meshes with scripture, please. I want more! The learning, the more-fully developed relationship with God, is what is gained. Being closer to Him should be the daily goal, even if a little tension and conflict happens along the way. I can certainly state that I want to be able to enter into challenging conversations with grace, love, and a soft heart so that I, and those I am conversing with, can walk closer to God. 

Tracy, from We Used to be Friends